I was reading a blog entry tonight from about five years ago. Here's an excerpt of what it said.
"I've always known the Lord has huge plans for my life, but I've never really been able to figure out what they were. I thought it might be teaching, but I'm pretty sure that's not it. :) Children's ministry was my other option, but there hasn't been a door opened for me there, either. My one true passion and the thing I'd love to do more than anything else in the world is singing, but good voices are a dime a dozen. I pretty much shot that dream down before it ever began. So as you can imagine, when I was prayed over twice in the last couple weeks about using my voice and singing new songs to the Lord, I was pretty psyched. One even said that it was going to be 10,000 times greater than I could ever imagine. I wish I could remember exactly what my two praying friends said, but it's pretty blurry. I've heard it said that if something is confirmed three times, it's from the Lord. Crazy thing is that I think my third confirmation came Saturday night at the retreat from the worship leader/speaker's wife. This here is taking a big step, but I feel like the Lord's huge plans have to do with my voice. It's been becoming more and more clear lately. I don't know what exactly that means, but I know that I'm supposed to be singing."
I had no idea five years ago just how true that would be. Of course I believed, but it's amazing to see the Lord's fulfillment of that prophecy over my life. At that point, I only knew my purpose was singing, but it doesn't appear that I knew it was worship leading. Today, though, I am completely aware of that. Less than a month after I wrote the previous post, I met my husband, who has been the most amazing help-mate in so many ways, but especially in this area. If it weren't for the blessing of Lucas, I don't know where I would be on this journey. The Lord can work with anything, but I know that having Lucas beside has been a huge part of me becoming who I am as a worship leader.
This worship road has been a long journey full of ups and downs for the past several years, but I know more than ever that this is where I am supposed to be. It certainly hasn't been easy. Although I have it so much better than many of my sisters, the heartache of being a woman with a gift and not able to use it to it's full capacity is difficult to live with. I don't want to say never, but it is highly unlikely that I will ever truly be a (recognized) worship leader at the church we attend. (I say that not because I need "recognition," but I use that word in the sense of having a part or full-time worship leading capacity.) Satan also knows exactly where to attack me. He doesn't attack my voice in a physical way, but he uses the strange dynamic that can often take place between gifted women to make things competitive and dramatic, even if not in an obvious way. Thankfully, his grace covers all of these things.
This weekend, I have the amazing opportunity to lead worship at our church's women's retreat. Although I've done this once before, this year it is a much bigger undertaking. I've been able to have a big role in planning and there is just much more to it all- bigger set, more musicians, etc. I am so thankful for this and can't wait for it to actually be here. I'm also excited that Emily will get to experience such a special thing with me. Of course she's been worshiping with me for several months now, but this is extra special. I can certainly use your prayers this week and this weekend, as can the rest of my team and all of the women involved with the retreat. It's going to be great!