Monday, September 17, 2012

Some days, being a mom is really easy...

...but most days, it is REALLY HARD! 

Friday was one of the hardest days I've been through since becoming a mom.  Around lunch time, I couldn't handle it anymore and I just had to get out of the house.  It's not like anything really terrible had happened.  It was just a rough morning overall- she was irritable, screamed when I dropped her off at childcare for Jazzercise, and then only took a very short nap when we got home, waking up fussy.  When combined with four previous days of the exact same behavior, the fact that my house looked like a war zone, feeling very lonely/isolated, and some big decisions looming, I think I had just finally had all I could handle.  We loaded up the car and headed out the door.  The destination was unknown, but anywhere would be an improvement over where we were. 

After a visit to Daddy's work (where he gave me a few minutes break to eat a sandwich in peace,) we headed to our neighborhood park for the first time.  Emily had tons of fun swinging, climbing the stairs, and sliding.  Cue rainstorm, which caused us to leave the park, inducing an epic meltdown.  From Emily, not me, although it probably wasn't too far off.  We were home in about five minutes (five minutes of screaming bloody murder) where I then gave Emily a couple minutes to calm down and then put her in bed (where she stood at the crib rail for an hour and a half without sleeping a wink.) 

In the two minutes that it took me to put Emily down, Maggie the Weiner Dog got into a tube of Desitin that had fallen off the changing table.  She didn't eat much, so I wasn't concerned.  I decided to sit down and rest for about five minutes before tackling the house cleaning.  About five minutes after I sat, Maggie started throwing up.  All over me, the chair, ottoman, rug, everywhere.  I put her in her cage where she continued to throw up.  After a quick Google search, I realized she wouldn't die, so I didn't worry about taking her to the vet.  I called Lucas with an SOS and since he was planning to leave early anyway, he headed home.  Thankfully, Emily already had a slumber party planned with  Mimi and Papa that night and we had a night on our own to regroup.

When we decided that I would stay home, I never imagined it would be as hard as it's been.  Although there are days that are a breeze, and I feel totally spoiled, the times when it is hard totally make up for those easy days.  This past month has been especially hard and it has gotten progressively worse.  It started with molars coming in, but I just don't think I can use the molar excuse anymore.  Our little girl has found her personality and she is the quintessential strong willed child.  I am VERY thankful for this.  I believe that strong-willed children turn out to be great adults.  It's just a little rough right now.  Honestly, the last two two days have been much better.  She has started napping again and I think that makes all the difference. 

I was so discouraged Friday and so I just thought I would take a moment to blog about it.  If you're a mom feeling discouraged, just know that it will get better! 


  1. I can relate! You're doing great, Jennifer! It's so tough.

  2. I'm so glad you are blogging again! I missed reading your updates. I'm praying for you with Emily. We haven't hit the true personality quirks yet, but we've had our first bout with sickness. That reduced this first-time mom to tears! I know you're doing a great job though. Hang in there!